Balancing Dreams and Duties: The Silent Sacrifice of Women

 

~ Honoring the Strength Behind Every Role She Plays ~

At the silent nooks and corners of houses, offices, kitchens and even in the classrooms women lead a life full of dreams, duties, and assignments; lots of which are never expressed. She is a daughter full of the want to fly and a woman full of hope that is hidden in subordinate chores of a housewife and a mother who once had a dream of her own regarding herself.

The twist however is behind her daily smile is another story not told: of dreams ignored, passions put on hold, and desires made to conform to that of her loved ones. Such a silent sacrifice is not a symptom of weakness, but on the contrary it is an intense demonstration of strength and love. Now is the time that we should consider this fact not with a tone of pity, but a respect and recognition.

The Birth of a Dream.......

All women has dreams.

Others simply aspire that they become writers, doctors, singers, dancers, astronauts, or even changemakers. Such dreams do not only get fabricated in childhood imaginations but are groomed in passion, talent, and vision. They are legal, they are legitimate.

However, somehow on the road to life, life starts to set obligations in her way. She is supposed to be more responsible, present, selfless in society. She is made to understand (gestures aside, sometimes literally), that her fantasies will have to be put to the side.

She is special not because she quits but because she keeps her dreams to herself and forges ahead to have her share of the world.

The Family Role: Love, But Also Labor

The female life of a woman can make some very abrupt twists and turns around family life. She becomes the member of a family, a daughter-in-law, a wife, a mother, and with every new role she has some new responsibilities to take. It starts earlier than persons get up in the morning to locations where people do not go to bed and it ends much later. Her time does not belong to her; starting with cooking to being an emotional support to all people who inhabit the house and can call on her.

Despite the loving families, emotional labor often has an overly large proportion of women. She recalls the visiting times with dentists, her birthday gifts, favorite foods of each member of the family, and the person others happen to confide into.

It is this ever present care giving, which however is the result of the love, that frequently goes unheard. What she also stayed up at night dreaming of now keeps her awake at the times of quiet sadness. The question she asks herself is, will I ever have time to do what I wanted?

Career vs. Household: The Tug of War

The world tends to be judgmental, especially of the woman who has had the courage to walk the path of career.

• She is overly ambitious.
• She is failing to take care of her home.
• How will she cope with both?

On the contrary, a man trying to ascend the corporate ladder is regarded as a responsible and a hard worker. A woman who does the same is usually forced to justify her decisions. 
This hypocrisy is an addition to her tight rope act. Most women rise early in the morning, perform diligently on their workplace and back home to start their second job- housekeeping. They fill every single position to perfection although seldom praised as they deserve. Nevertheless, they do not give up, not because they have to, but because they are drawn into the ideology of delivering their best to their two worlds. Not only is that drive powerful, but noble.
She is failing to take care of her home. How will she cope with both? On the contrary, a man trying to ascend the corporate ladder is regarded as a responsible and hard worker. A woman who does the same is usually forced to justify her decisions. This hypocrisy is an addition to her tight rope act. Most women rise early in the morning, perform diligently on their workplace and back home to start their second job—housekeeping. They fill every single position to perfection although seldom praised as they deserve. Nevertheless, they do not give up, not because they have to, but because they are drawn into the ideology of delivering their best to their two worlds. Not only is that drive powerful, but noble.

Her Silent Sacrifices............

The fact that a woman gives up so much, but it is not always voiced, makes it even more important:

• She leaves employment opportunities just to be closer to family.
• She is delaying her higher education in the favor of her children. 
• She regulates her sleeping, her body care even her inner calm to ensure that everything is at balance.
• She sacrifices her dreams- not because she is not a winner, but to make other people happy.

Nonetheless, she hardly complains. She is declared by society to be a responsible girl with the virtue of being dutiful, but nobody ever thought about what she desires. She is powerful because she can give love without asking anything in change. A strength ought not to imply invisibility.
She is delaying her higher education in favor of her children. She regulates her sleeping, her body care, even her inner calm to ensure that everything is at balance. She sacrifices her dreams, not because she is not a winner, but to make other people happy. Nonetheless, she hardly complains. She is declared by society to be a responsible girl with the virtue of being dutiful, but nobody ever thought about what she desires. She is powerful because she can give love without asking anything in change. A strength ought not to imply invisibility.

What Can We Do as a Society? Be Sensitive to them......

Stop Judging. Start Listening. Never presume the way a woman ought to do something. Probe her about what she would like to do. Share the burden. Men, families, as well as employers, need to take an active role in helping assuage her burden and not increase it. Victory Her Pleasure. Appreciate her accomplishments in every aspect of life, both at home and in the work place. Educate the Generation Next. White boys who always value the dreams of women and white girls like they know they have value.

****A Note to Every Woman Reading This..****

In case you have ever ignored your passion in favor of your family, When you were smiling, but deep in your heart, you put out the flame. But the dream is the same ahead of time or behind You I know that your chances have been shortchanged and I know that your dreams were too long deferred But donna you should smile awhile In case it rains another day Or ever treadd the wire of hope and being--

You are not working alone. And you are sufficient.

Nobody sees what you sacrifice. Your might is not unperceived. You can desire to possess more. You have a right to request help. And over and above your work you are woman, a woman with a dream, and a woman who acts, a maker of your own making. Nurture your dreams .....continue nurturing them even when no one is listening. One day they will flower. And when they do the world will learn what you have known all the time in your heart:

The strength of being able to love, to serve and to dream- and to rise.

Unspoken Strength: The Emotional Resilience of Women

~ A Tribute to the Silent Warriors ~

Walking in the hustle of life is a woman whose strength is usually not traceable. She can be a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend or all of these in one. She keeps the world she inhabits on a tight leash with the super power of her emotional strength. Her battles might not at all times be noisy, but her strength resounds in the quiet recesses into which her life has fallen. This article can be considered a tribute to that unannounced power- the emotional stability which enables women to get up, despite the world literally breaking down.

What Emotional Resilience means?

Emotional resilience refers to the process of adapting and trying to recover and become stronger following some adversity, trauma, or stress. Women, this resilience is more of a virtue to them and also a survival instinct as far as it has sunk in their emotional deep fibroids. They must survive heartbreak, loss, rejection, fear and excessive responsibilities more gracefully than would be seeking calls of applause. A smile carries a story behind it. There is a storm she has braved in the quiet pursuit of success.

A Lifetime of Expectations

Since early ages women are expected by the society to be calm, caring, responsible, and nurturing, as well as selfless. She is being taught to smile in spite of pain, adapt, compromise and to always understand. However, despite her taking bends to fill in these roles, she seldom cracks.

It might be a teenage girl waging the war on her own insecurities in a world that asks her so many questions about her value… or a young woman struggling to juggle career goals and the nagging of society to find a man and get settled down… or a mom doing all she can to give and give and yet tear up in the night alone… all periods of a woman are asked to be strong. And as is always the case she makes it more often than not with courage and not with complaints.

Strength  is in Silence.......

Most women are told that they are not supposed to display “excessive” emotion. They become aggressive when they develop anger. They become depressed. They get selfish because of ambition. But by means of this conditioning, they acquire knowledge on how to redirect their feelings inwardly- how to accept pain without allowing it to shape them and how to cry non-verbally and yet come out smiling.

She does not necessarily talk about her battles, but she has them; battles all the time. She does not need to be validated, but she should be validated- moment by moment.

The Invisible Load She Carries

The capacity to bear the invisible burden is one of the highest levels of emotional strength in females. This encompasses the invisible mental and emotional work, such as, remembering the birthdays of all the family members, silently sustaining the emotional lives of the family, feting the infirm, being flexible to varying schedules, and being the primary source of emotional stability to the people around her.

She turns up even when she is defeated. She continues to shower love even when her heart breaks. She continues to walk even when her soul can no longer walk. It is not because she is superhuman but in the belief to keep others going even when she is tearing apart.

Moments That Define Her Strength

• When she chooses to pardon after betrayal, it is not that she is weak but because she wants peace more than revenge.

• When she decides to leave, it can be the end of a toxic relationship or an unfulfilling job or a place that stops appreciating her. 

• When she decides to remain, and to endure pain in order to fulfill her duty of children or its principles.

• When she dreams, despite being told she can’t, and achieves what no one thought possible. 

It is not a survival mode only. They are power plays.

A Message to Every Woman.....!!!! To all women who cried and did not make a sound, laughed and could not lead a normal life, and used to stand straight after being shattered-

• You are not as weak as you think you are.
• You have the right to sleep.
• You are not prevented to say no.
• You can select yourself.

Being emotional is not a weakness- it is a gift. Even the strongest souls are entitled to receive support, love and care.

There is no need to have to prove something to anybody.

All you have to do is keep in mind this: You may not always feel your strength being felt in the world but the world does and so does the lives that you touch in your every day lives.

Beyond the Degree – The Silent Journey of an Educated Woman After Marriage

 

She was the pride of her parents- the girl who was at the top of her class, towered above dreams and overcame boundaries with her books. Her degrees were not mere pieces of paper, but silent commitments to the future, of independence, of contribution, of identity. She did not study in order to get a good marriage. She learned to live good-- to have a line, to construct something of her own. 

Then came marriage....!!!!

It was a new chapter, they said, a new beginning. And she walked into it with hope in the eyes and strength in her heart. She was not simple. She was aware of the change in responsibilities. No one informed her how her name would begin to recede in the background behind those labels like bahu, wife, or mummy.

There were earlier mornings. Dreams came later,--in some cases not at all. What she used to argue about the world problems; she argued about what to cook. Silence was flattered where there used to be respect to her opinions. Yes, she was educated but now she had to adjust. The society also tests the sacrifice of the educated women since they do not get rewarded for their wisdom.

She attempted to get a balance. She made an effort to work. On other days, she managed to do so. On other days, she was ridden with guilt—about leaving a child to a nanny, about not spending enough time at home. It was not the failure of her degree. It was a world that was not ready to take the fact that a woman was a woman who could be ambitious and nurturing as well.

However, she was able to cope.

She was taught to be a silent leader, a multi-tasker of unseen genius running homes as business. She did not lose her intelligence. It just changed, it turned into patience, into power, into leadership in silence. The schooling was her armour not to be applauded but to save her ass on losing her identity.

But there are times, in the still of night, that she opens that drawer - the one where her certificates still are. She touches them with her fingers, not as a regrettable thing, but another memory. She continues to have faith in herself. She does not give up hoping; she still has dreams, perhaps not so large and not so soon, but not dead. And gradually she gets up. She discovers new modes of doing things, working online, becoming a local leader, teaching, creating something, anything that makes her soul have a name once again. Not only Mrs. Someone, but her.

She might not always sit at a desk in an office tower, and yet, she creates empires of compassion, strength, and silent endurance day by day. She is educated. She is in marriage. And she is not done.

The life of a learned woman into marriage is not usually the story of a quiet strength, unnoticed sacrifice and unacknowledged perseverance. Her education is not wasted, it exists in the way she brings up a family, goes about her life and keeps on dreaming in the shadows. She can stop but she does not quit. Society can attempt to redefine her but in the quietest way she finds a way to redefine herself, bit by bit, role by role.

Behind each tea she serves, each child she raises, and each compromise she makes, there is a woman who did not fear to dream once- and never did. It is not the end of her story. It is simply happening in another language, the language the courageous can understand.

We should not bury her genius in responsibilities. Why not leave her room to star, again and still and always. Since, when a woman is educated and empowered, not only in classrooms but also in her life after getting married, the entire generation will emerge with her.